| Hope in a Boy's World

Reunion Vacation: Week One

Sunday, August 7, 2011

In 1995, at Trey's brother's wedding reception, all us third generation cousins decided it would be a great idea to have a family reunion combining both the Sturgeon and Carpenter sides. Lo and behold 4 months later we made it happen. There was always talk of trying to duplicate the success of pulling off getting 20+ people together from around the country but as we all grew up and had families of our own, it just didn't happen.

When we decided to spend 3 weeks here, Papa Jim got on the horn and let the east coast family members know and put a bug in their ears about trekking down (or up) this way. The result was this first family reunion. Unfortunately we weren't able to get everyone here but Trey's cousin Billy and his fiancee Jess flew up from Fort Lauderdale for 12 hours, Aunt Barby saw the activity on Facebook and, not willing to miss out on any of the fun, booked herself a flight from San Diego. The other two Sturgeon cousins live an hour away and drove up for an 8:00 dinner on a weeknight--with small children. It was like no time had passed. I think that when you don't live in close proximity to one another and you don't know when you'll see each other again, you really make the most of these moments.

All the Sturgeon boys sans Sharon (we missed her terribly)

Trey and Uncle Mike's sweetie, Jenn

Uncle Mike, Dane and Quinn

Jess, Billy and Aunt Barby

All the cousins and their "significant others"

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19 and Counting....

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Isn't this the new title of the Duggar's TLC show now that they've added another babe to their ever growing brood? I thought it sounded familiar. Regardless, I am stealing it for my title in honor of our 19th wedding anniversary.

Back in the spring when we booked our tickets to Florida and knew we would be spending August 1st in the "Sunshine State" I had only one request: we must have our anniversary dinner at Stonewood Grill. Our friends turned us on to this restaurant 8 years ago and I've hoped to return ever since. We left the kids behind (thanks to Grandma and Grandpa) and I joined Trey for some sales calls between Jacksonville and Orlando. Fortunately there were 5 Stonewood Grill's between here and there. It was absolutely divine. Excellent service (our waiter was stunned that we'd stayed married as long as we have. We told him we were too. ) :) Don't tell our kids that we stayed practically across the street from Universal Studios. Out of respect for them we refrained from spending the evening riding their favorite coasters. (Honestly, we were too stuffed and tired to entertain the idea but don't tell them that either.)

Before we stuffed ourselves with rosemary lamb chops, blue cheese ribeye and decadent chocolate cake with Hagen Dazs ice cream.

I think this is the first year we didn't exchange formal cards and, oddly enough, these were my favorite. We wrote them to each other while waiting for our food to arrive.

It's been almost two decades of highs, lows, joys, sorrows, wins and losses but I honestly wouldn't trade a minute of it for the what we have as a result. Happy Anniversary, Baby!!!

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Thursday, July 21, 2011

I'm really not "that kind of mom." I swear to you, I am not. You know the ones I'm talking about: their child's successes and/or failures define who she is--or isn't. Of course I am happy when my boys experience successful moments and I'm sad when they struggle with any of life's challenges. But I also have to remind myself that all I can do is give them the right tools, pray daily and release the rest to God.I can't let their actions, whether I like them or not, validate or invalidate me as a parent. Unfortunately our current culture preaches otherwise. All that being said, I had to put this disclaimer lest you think I was one of those crazies who stalks her kid all the way to football camp 200 miles from home. Because, based on the following pictures, this is exactly what I did.

While 75% of our country is sweltering in a massive heatwave, someone forgot to remind our thermometers that the calendar says mid-July. I think I read recently that 82% of this month has been covered in clouds--and temperatures 10-15 degrees BELOW NORMAL. When you wait 10 months for summer it's hard to not be bitter at this point. So instead of caving in to the bitterness,(don't be bitter, be better) I decided that I couldn't change the weather conditions so I packed up my younger two and we headed east until we found sunshine and heat. It just so happened that this place also happened to be where my oldest was attending his first high school football camp. (In my defense, the coach did say "we'd love to have parents come over and watch" and my son did ask me twice if we were planning to come over) I had no idea what to expect but within minutes of arriving I knew it was well worth the trip.

We pulled into the high school parking lot only to find about 10 moms and dad from our school making a lunch feast fit for a king -or 70 teenage boys. The players had made their temporary home on the gym floor. (It made our basement look like a museum) Every coach came and introduced himself to me and the little brothers and made us feel right at home. In just two days I saw a transformation in my son that could have only occurred from watching teamwork and leadership be preached and modeled 12 hours a day. These guys totally have it going on. Needless to say, I was beyond impressed. Looking forward to those Friday Night Lights!

Home Sweet Gym

One big fraternity house

Quinn and his roomies

Looks at Ian and Ben are making themselves at home, as usual.

Ben loved being "Water Boy."

There's my football player.

Enough already, Mom.

Taking it all in while Ian strategizes for his future football career.

Wide receiver drills

Practicing field goals

It's not really summer without a romp through the sprinkler.

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Go Sounders!

Monday, July 18, 2011

We are soccer fans around here. Well at least 4 of us are. I'll give you a hint: the one that isn't much of a fan is not a boy. Not only are they soccer players, soccer watchers and soccer lovers they are true blue (and green) Seattle Sounders fans. I'm pretty sure that the last time one of them had a cut, it bled blue and green. So when Trey's company offered tickets for all employees and their families to a suite at the most recent home game, we cleared our calendars.

More often than not, I say "if you can't beat 'em, join em." And so I did.

I may not have painted my face but I was willing to put some blue polish on those toesies.

Happy with the results of the game or just happy to be together? Or both?

Ben enjoyed being photographer

These fans are crazy excited all the time. This is the section we always want to be in but we were happy to settle for a private suite.

Go Sounders!!!!!!

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Another great book on boys

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I'm always on the lookout for more sage advice on bringing up boys. I stumbled upon this in the public library last week and have devoured it. There's a lot of the "same old stuff" but some new tidbits that I have definitely filed away.

My favorite part of the whole book was this prayer that was quoted from the book The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian. (another fantastic book)

"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee--and that to know himself is the foundation of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goals will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the weakness of true strength.

Then, I will dare to whisper, 'I have not lived in vain.'"

~GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR

This is my prayer for my three sons. How grateful I am that I am not in this alone!

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Happy Campers

Sunday, July 10, 2011

In the Northeast, people go "to the shore" for summer vacation. In the Southeast, they go "to the beach". In the Midwest, they go "to the lake". In the Pacific Northwest, we camp. In fact, people here are so into it that the state parks are usually booked a year in advance. Yes, a year. Being that we're not planners (or at least one of us isn't) and the weather is so incredibly umpredictable here , we usually wait until the conditions are right and then go for it. We've ended up in some pretty cool places off the beaten path and this time was no exception.

Our good friend, and the person who moved us out here 10 years ago, Jim is always up for last minute camping trips and no one else in his family shares his penchant for spontaneity. He knows he can count on our family to fill that need. Last Friday (7/1) he and Trey spent the entire day driving the Mountain Loop Highway in search of the perfect wilderness campsite. The definition of "wilderness" runs the gamut from "rustic" to "a rotted out picnic table and a fire pit." They found a site not only with a table and fire pit but right on the river. They claimed it with a tent and came home to share their find with the rest of us. Quinn & Ben had previous plans for Saturday so Ian went with them and we joined them that evening. We pulled up and everything was ready for our arrival. Just had to put our bedding in the tent. It was sure to be a perfect evening...........

Chilling out

Ben claimed the "Mac Daddy" chair

Just a few steps down to our paradise.

The view from our site.

Jim can come with us anytime. Look at how thoughtful he is.

We just finished dinner around 8:00when a visitor showed up at our site named Sheriff John Brown. (not really his name but that's what we called him) Apparently we were at a "reservation only" site. We begged him to have mercy on us if we promised to leave the next morning. No way was this guy budging. And he did have his ticket pad in hand so we cooperated. In his defense he did have an alternative site reserved for us five miles down the road in the middle of a grassy field. It wasn't waterfront property but it would do.

We packed up, moved and set up camp in the next 90 minutes just before dark. Everyone went to bed only to be awakened by rain drops at 4 a.m.! (Just for the record, this has happened every single time I've camped in Western Washington) There is just nothing romantic about camping in a downpour. The rain continued--despite the forecast of a "passing shower"--until noon. I threatened to leave but once the sun came out, it was beautiful. We took a hike to the ice caves and had a wonderful steak dinner, played Farkle and roasted marshmallows. It ended on a high note.

We came home on the 4th just in time to get ready for our next adventure. Our good friends Mark & Jackie offered us their pop-up tent trailer while they were out of town. We picked it up Tuesday morning and by 3:00 that afternoon we were settled in. My mom came up to join us, the kids each brought a friend and we went 30 miles away to a beautiful campground on the beach. The weather was sunny and low 80's. Definitely an improvement from our previous excursion.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to tent camp again after this.

Ma with her favorite girl, Millie.

Skipping rocks just before a beautiful sunset.

Enjoying a beach campfire.

Sun-kissed boys.

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Summer Rules

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

This title could be looked at one of two ways. As a verb: Summer is the best. Or as a noun: These are the rules thou shall abide by if thou wants to survive this season. Take your best guess as to how I mean it.

You're right. That would be a noun. You know me so well.

I do love summer. It is my absolute favorite season. But as my kids have become older, it has been more challenging to keep our house in working order and for mom to keep her sanity. For the most part, we tend to live without a lot of rules--especially in June, July and August. After 9 months of schedules everyone is in need of a respite from the structure. I get that. But after working and going to school last summer, I saw how that backfires and I end up chasing my tail. I'm fully exhausted and resentful by Labor Day weekend. I did not want a repeat. Just because I am not taking classes or working a job for the next 3 months, doesn't mean this year could be a free-for-all. Something had to change.

The night before our first full week of summer vacation, we sat down as family and established some "rules." Now, of course, these were not met with enthusiasm but I have to say that after 10 days, things are going quite well and everyone seems pretty content. There have been some requests to bend but overall I think this was a great idea. One of my girlfriend's (who has 4 children and the same frustrations) asked me to fax her my list. I told her I'd post it here and on Facebook. We'll see how the next 9 weeks go!

SUMMER 2011 RULES

No XBox before 5:00 p.m. unless it's raining (disclaimer need in the Northwest)

All chores must be completed prior to leaving the house.

A maximum of three activities per week, per child, that require being driven somewhere.

Plans must be cleared with Mom & Dad the night before. (Last minute sleepovers will not be considered)

If it's less than 2 miles away, you can bike, walk, scooter or skateboard there.

Sunday is for family and God.

HAVE FUN and WEAR SUNSCREEN.

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Eighth Grade Graduation

Saturday, June 18, 2011

When I logged on tonight I saw that my last post was almost 3 weeks ago. That tells you how utterly crazy this last month has been. As I reflect on all that happened I don't know how we made it through--other than a lot of coffee and not a lot of sleep. I am so ready for summer.

The biggest event of all this past week was Quinn's 8th grade graduation. I officially have a high schooler now. Because of his middle school fire 18 months ago, Quinn's class combined with another 8th grade class for a total of 365 students. This was not an easy feat for the administration, the teachers, the students or the families. I had heard a lot of negative from my son about the excessive rules, the culture on the other side of town and the 45 minute bus ride every day. The communication about the event was dismal at best so I didn't have very high expectations. I am happy to report that I was in tears by the end of the ceremony. I loved hearing all the different teachers speak so highly (and sincerely) of these kids. The highlight (and tear-inducing moment) was when a local artist unveiled the project she had been working on with the students all year long. Each eighth grader created a silk screen self portrait. She took pieces of all of them and weaved together an amazing display. The vice prinicipal read a poem about how one thread is weak on its own but when sewn together with other pieces it becomes that much stronger. This was a metaphor for the class of 2015. They overcame the hurdles and really did make some lasting friendships. This is the only class in the history of our town that will have students attending all three high schools--definitely a rare event. Click here to read the local paper's story.

We quickly took some snapshots before they were whisked away for their celebration dance.

Mom and Auntie Lori

Dad was on a business trip so just mother and son.

With his proud grandparents

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Facebook: It's not going away

Monday, May 30, 2011

A couple years ago, after months of resisting, I gave in and became a "Facebooker" I loved reconnecting with old high school and college friends whom I'd lost touch with. I enjoyed seeing my 500 friends' daily status updates and pictures of their families. I was hooked. When "friend requests" came in I felt like a high school girl tallying her votes for homecoming queen. But like everything else that comes on the scene with great gusto, I figured this too would be a fad that would be fade into oblivion in a matter of years. Boy, was I wrong. Facebook is now on track to replace Google as a search engine, to be your prime source for checking email and an app to get to their page is pretty much standard on every phone.

I have a handful of friends (including my own husband) who eschew the social networking sensation for various reasons. They regularly let others know that they "hate Facebook" or "I don't text." To each his own. However, I recently had an experience which reminded me that, like it or not, social networking and technology is not going away. And if you are in a position of influence or wish to have relationship with today's young people, then you'll want to know all the ins and outs of this craze. As much as you wish they would "pick up the phone and call you" they won't. Even if you're convinced that they can't handle the amount of information relayed via a computer screen or phone, they're not going to suddenly start "talking face to face." Believe me I've preached this in my own house with no success. I put limits on the texting, computer usage and screen time in general. When the minutes are up, neither of my adolescents change their behavior. They would rather do without than be forced to behave in such an outdated way as calling someone's home on a landline. It's worse than having me kiss and hug them in front of their friends!

All my ranting and raving wasn't getting me anywhere so I took more of the approach of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." As much as I hate to admit it, we have had actual instant message conversations while we're both in the same house. I find they are willing to be a lot more open with me than when we're sitting next to one another at the kitchen table. I can see how it makes them feel like we're on more of a level playing field--even though they know I'm not their friend. A willingness to meet them where they're at shows them I'm not going to dig in my stubborn heels and refuse to accept the rapid changes of their culture. It's a delicate balance and I know I'm not getting it perfect all the time but I have found the arguments between us are fewer than before.

Now on to my story................my middle son and his friends were putting their index fingers under their noses and saying "I'm Hitler." One girl took pictures of some of them with her phone and my son and another girl said "We should tag her" about one of the girls in the picture. They meant "tag" as in identify her on their Facebook page in the picture once it's posted. Unfortunately one of the girls they were referring to was Jewish and she thought the kids were speaking of imitating Hitler's horrific acts during the Holocaust. The teacher got wind of this and came unglued. He assumed my son was being Anti-Semitic and let him have it. I got a phone call letting me know of the situation--from his perspective. When my son got home, I asked him about it and he told me what I just relayed at the beginning of this paragraph. My child (and likely the other children with him at lunch) was unaware of the history behind Nazi Germany and had no idea how his actions were being construed. It was a great teachable moment for both of us. However, if his teacher, who spends his entire day with 11 & 12 year olds, had spent some time familiarizing himself with Facebook terms and how his students spend their time socially, it would have made for a lot less drama and a little more understanding. And perhaps a "teachable moment" for everyone.

I'm not saying I agree with everything about our current culture. Nor do I think kids should be joking about anything to do with Adolf Hitler. I do think though, that a little bit of acceptance and knowledge of today's adolescents, whether you like it or not, would go a long way.

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I'm in like Flynn

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Have you ever know deep in your heart that you were meant to do something but

every step along the way has been a battle? Not a monumental fight but an obvious one. Discouragement sets in and you begin to wonder if you're on the right road. When it gets hard, you start to question "maybe this isn't really what I want to do." I believe that when we are truly seeking God and He clearly doesn't want us to continue--or even begin--down a certain path, he will repeatedly close the doors. In fact, He doesn't just close them, He SLAMS them shut. After a while our stubborn skulls finally figure out that we might want to proceed in a different direction. However, I also believe that when He calls us to a place or position that is really, truly living in our glory, the enemy will make sure to put every obstacle in our path. They're never big obstacles just annoying, time consuming, distracting, frustrating ones. This has been my journey to pursuing a teaching certificate.

Just over a year ago I set out on this unknown path only knowing that I was supposed to put one foot in front of the other--in 48 hours. After pulling an all-nighter writing four essays, begging colleagues to write letters of recommendation with less than 24 hours notice and pleading for my 20 year old undergrad transcripts from a stubborn Registrar's office, I dropped off my application packet with minutes to spare before the posted deadline. Four weeks later the rejection letter arrived. Among the words of denial were also words of advice and some suggestions. They "powers that be" wanted me to take two full quarters of English classes, obtain a letter of recommendation from a current professor and reapply. No problem. Wrong. Problem #1: It's kind of difficult to take upper level college courses when the said college won't let you in. Solved: After a month of getting the run around I was allowed to take the classes at the local community college with the promise of counting them as transfer credits. And I was able to get the ball rolling by taking a summer course as formal admission is not required to attend during the months of June and July. Done.

Problem # 2: The community college doesn't recognize that I've taken the pre-requisite of English 101 and I must sit in the Registration office to prove this with my 20 year old transcript. Oh, and in the meantime, the classes I wanted, filled up. Solved: I was able to take an online course for the fall quarter, my advisor allowed another literature class to count and I "blue-slipped" into the elusive Creative Writing class for spring.

Problem #3: My application is ready to go for Fall quarter 2011 with the exception of an English professor's letter. I email a request two weeks before the deadline. "No problem." A week later, "Oops, I forgot. Is it too late?" A week later the Office of Admission calls to say they still had not received it. Solved: Another desperate email request and the letter magically appears.

At the end of last month I pulled out my file with the rejection letter from last year. Dated: April 29, 2010. For two straight weeks I checked the mailbox daily and my inbox every time I passed the computer. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Then on Wednesday afternoon I see the email. With one eye closed I nervously scanned the letter until I saw the words "Congratulations" staring back at me. I scream, jump up and down and ponder who to call first. Before I pick up the phone I see an email from the same address with the subject line : "Recall." A short message follows simply stating that they wish to retract their previous email announcing my admission into the Secondary Education department. What? OUCH! A quick phone call later I discover that the university has not yet given their approval as the state only allows a certain number of post baccalaureate students per quarter. Deflated I wait once more. Friday afternoon the email arrives in my inbox. The subject line: CONFIRMED. Yay!!!

So, you see, doors closed, locked and bolted shut are one thing. False starts and temporary disqualifications are another. Don't let discouragement win if you've been on a similar journey. I'm here to tell you to not give up.

I have no doubt there will be numerous more detours and "fender benders" like these along the way but I'd say God makes it pretty clear when we're driving down the right road.

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