The many uses of toilet paper

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I don't know about you but when I was a middle schooler/high schooler, waking up to a front yard decorated in Charmin was a tally on the popularity chart. The best memory by far was when three guy friends of mine and my sister's moved the entire contents of our backyard patio to the front yard, toilet papered every tree and as a final touch turned on the sprinkler for good measure. When our parents woke us up to share their findings we immediately got on the horn to spread the good news and invite our friends to observe the handiwork: "Come see what Morgan, Alan and Matt did???!!" I still remember my mom asking "What are you girls doing at school? Why don't people like you?" We just couldn't seem to convince her that this was a sign of being liked. She wasn't buying it. And it didn't matter if it was true, she wanted her yard cleaned up. Pronto!

Not realizing that nowadays people are so oversensitive, and take themselves way too seriously, I thought it would be a great idea to initiate my kids into this lost art. For my oldest's 13th birthday, I took him and a few friends out for a midnight adventure armed with a couple cases of TP. The boys were focused on hitting houses that were in high traffic areas. If they were going to take the risk, they wanted many to witness their work. At the first house they were caught by the older brother who was up getting some water and whose first reaction was to throw the water on the first boy he encountered. Oops. We pulled it off at the other two houses and went home. Unbeknownst to me, two of the bright teenagers decided it would be a good idea to relieve themselves on the decorated yard. We came back to the house and they bragged to the little brothers about their devious behavior and one of the little brothers went to school and shared their secret. (Apparently there was no pinky promise) Fast forward to Monday night and I receive a phone call from the owner of said house. Not pretty. I understood her frustration but I also think warning me that I am raising juvenile delinquents (when the boys who committed the infraction were not being raised by me) was a little much. Whatever. I'll refrain from commenting further.

After it all blew over we realized that we had perhaps started something. In fact one of the other moms whose house was "decorated" just smiled at me and simply said, "Paybacks." Well, the paybacks have been coming every few months now and it's driving the boys crazy that they haven't figured out who the guilty party is. Last Thursday night around 11:30, our dog (who never barks) started going nuts in the living room. I walked in there and looked outside to find a sea of white. This was definitely the best artwork yet. And it definitely wasn't boys performing a "payback" as there were just too many "feminine touches". And they used the good stuff too. I was considering recycling it but my kids shamed me into throwing it in the yard waste can. See the evidence below. Nice job, ladies.

My friend Toni said: "it almost looks pretty."


This was outside the front door to greet me. Very cute.