My life has not been my own

Friday, December 20, 2013

So I just logged on to discover it has been almost two months since I last posted.  TWO MONTHS!  My lack of communication on here has probably hammered the nail in my blogger coffin and the 2 or 3 followers I did have, are probably long gone.  But, if there's anyone still out there, I'm back for a brief update....

A two month hiatus is definitely an indication that my life has been overtaken by not only the demands of full-time teaching and a family but then add to the equation a 30+ page paper justifying my teaching practices replete with video clips and research to prove my worthiness--all due on December 19th at midnight.  Oh, and for good measure, let's also throw in major shoulder surgery for my husband, whom I have heavily relied upon to hold down the fort for the last 4 months.  Naturally, a blog post of any sort sinks to the bottom of the t-do list.

I honestly can't remember a time in my life where I have had so many balls to juggle. As a senior in college (the first time) I took a 20 credit load my final quarter before graduation, while working 20 hrs. a week.  At the time, I thought I would never survive--and I was a mere 22 years old!  A couple weeks ago I had one of my many meltdowns on the eve of Trey's impending surgery. While sitting in the driveway, dreading the thought of entering my house and transitioning to my second job, I phoned that friend who just absolutely "gets me."  When she answered, I began sobbing before I could utter "hello".  Her simple but profound response was exactly what I needed to hear.  "It's one thing to pursue your goals and dreams when you're in your 20's and it's only you.  It's quite another to reinvent yourself when you have a 21-year marriage to maintain and a 16, 15 and 12-year-old whose well-being you are responsible for, not to mention all the other demands for your time and attention.  It is an amazing feat and you need to cut yourself some slack."  Just having her verbalize and acknowledge my reality was a huge gift.  So why is that so difficult?  Why does it take reaching the breaking point before I can nurture myself?  It's a question I continue to ask throughout this journey.

Lest you be misled, this season has been filled with many blessings in the midst of the challenges.  I have learned to admit I can't do it all and, not only ask for but accept help from others. For the first time in 17 years, I hired a weekly cleaning lady.  I never felt like I could justify it before but the boys' cleanliness standards and mine just didn't match. Go figure.  I was tired of spending what little time I had with them nagging and using my Sundays trying to stay on top of it all.  Some may say I let them off the hook but it's money well spent.  I am beyond grateful for the friends and family who have jumped in and lightened my load by giving the boys rides, running errands for me, visiting and taking care of Trey post-surgery, bringing dinner when I've been flying solo with Trey out of town.  It has made all the difference.

Right now, I am sitting here enjoying the best gift of the season: a snow day and an early start to the Christmas break.  I love the slowdown effect a snowfall has on us all.

When we return to school on January 6th, I will have just 3 weeks until I am an official teacher--and hopefully get some of that life back that has been missing since September 4th.  When January 24th arrives, this is what I'll be doing.

1 Comment »

One Response to “My life has not been my own”

JulieB said...

I have checked in each week for the past two months hoping to be treated to a slice of your written delicacies and lo and behold today I am rewarded!
I hope that we will make the arrangements to celebrate your significant accomplishment together at the end of January! It will be a well earned celebration! What you have accomplished Dana is amazing and so beautiful! You are going to give the gift of your heart and mind to children....Lucky, lucky them!
I love you girl! Congratulations and way to freaking go!!!