As we bid good-bye to 2010

Friday, December 31, 2010

One year ago today I sat with my journal and poured my heart out. 2009 was a year I longed to forget and the words I penned are testament to how strongly I felt. As I re-read the page, I thought "what a downer!!" I was almost embarrassed to admit those sentiments were a reflection of what was in my soul. Needless to say I was in a bad place.

"12-31-09~Sitting here before the clock strikes midnight and we begin a new year and end a decade. Holding out hope that this new one will not resemble the last. Wishing for a respite from the constant slugging away day after day to see no progress. Hoping for the end of month after month of broken dreams and sad hearts. Begging God for a new lease on life where the good times will last longer than the bad ones. Dying for a breakthrough where God puts an end to old, destructive thought patterns and breathes new life into this heart that can't take another morsel of sadness or bad news or disappointment."

I definitely don't feel as hopeless as last year and God did come through in many of the ways I asked. But it's always good to reflect on where we've been but more important to focus on where we're going. A couple days ago, my daily email from Internet Cafe Devotions was all about this very subject. As I scrolled through the message, I loved the questions she posed at the end. A perfect combination of considering the past while focusing on the future. Two nights ago I had a belated Christmas celebration with my BFF's where we went around the room and answered these questions. I won't share theirs but I'm happy to divulge mine. Maybe you'd like to do the same?

1. What was the one thing that brought you joy this year?

Watching Ian come into his own. The last half of the year he blossomed in every area of his life-socially, academically and athletically. It was heart warming to see.

2. What was the biggest challenge you faced? What were the results? Is there something you could have done differently?

Juggling school, work and home. The results were straight A's, money to pay tuition and a very messy house. I could have asked for more help from others and not felt guilty about it.

3. What were you most afraid of?

Hearing "Honey, I've been let go". I think I'm always afraid of this. Something I continually lay down over and over, year after year.

4. What was the greatest lesson the Lord taught you?

That I need to worry about what he has called me to, use my gifts the way he is asking and not concern myself with other's opinions or how I think they should be using their gifts. When something is glaringly obvious to me, it's hard when others don't have the same enthusiasm as I do. Offering grace and accepting that we are each on our own journey at our own pace is a good lesson for me to take to heart.

5. Is the Lord asking you to leave some things behind as the year ends?

Yes. Many things but the biggest one is the belief that I am not deserving of spending time and money on. The martyr role I have taken on since becoming a mother makes it hard for me to justify fussing over myself without feeling selfish. I always talk myself out of most every personal purchase because there are always so many more pressing needs in our family: tires for the car, new cleats, dentist visits, etc. I want to leave behind the guilt I carry when I do indulge from time to time.

6. Are there any changes you feel the Lord is asking you to make in the new year?

Definitely to slow down. Since 2005, I've been asking for a theme from God for each coming year. Last year it was patience and this year it is slowing down and enjoying the process-no matter what that process is. I tend to want to check things off my list and move on to the next thing. I live life in a hurry because there's always a deadline looming. I know God is asking me to take the time to do things right, even if it takes a little longer.

Finally, I wish I could take credit for this awesome quote but it was at the end of these questions and I absolutely loved it........

"As we move into the unknown wonders of 2011, may His abiding love fill you, His purposes compel you and His indescribable peace surround you."

This is my prayer for you. Amen and Happy New Year!

1 Comment »

One Response to “As we bid good-bye to 2010”

Sheri said...

Loved reading this post and the one about Quinn...we are heading into rewarding and very challenging times with our boys. Letting go is never easy. I am happy to be with you on this journey.