Been thinking about how I have perceived loving my kids and how my kids really want or need to be loved. Last week my oldest left a sad message from camp inquring about a possible care package that may have been lost in the mail. The truth was that I had not planned on sending him one. He was only gone for 5 days and had money to spend at the camp store. Trey and I discussed the ramifications of doing nothing versus our only other option of driving the 90 minutes to the camp and leaving some goodies for him. (He was coming home the very next day). We went back and forth about how we might knowingly "wound" him if he was the only one who didn't get anything. Would this be an event he'd take into adulthood or were we making more out of it than was necessary? We opted to go out there and sneak a box in to his cabin. I still wasn't sure this was the right thing. He expressed his appreciation when he came home the following weekend but I didn't sense that the absence or presence of this "care package" was pivotal to his overall happiness and well-being.
Last night we were watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. This particular family had 8 children, an absent father and an uncle suffering from cancer. As is typical of most families on this show, their current living conditions were deplorable. A situation most of us can't even fathom. But what was amazing to me (and to the show's staff) was the incredible amount of love and respect that existed in their home. The kids were kind and respectful to one another. Their cohesiveness as a family was evident in the first five minutes of the show. They knew they had to stick together because "each other" is all they had. Even though ABC had built them a dream home, replete with a true to life football field in the backyard, one could tell that this "life changing" event wasn't going to change the core of who these people were or what they valued.
So why do I think a care package has the power to do that for my son?

The other day a friend described me as an "INFP". What? I immediately assumed this was an acrostic for something not so nice. As he further explained, this was my personality type based mostly on the Myers-Briggs test offered by many employers. I just had to know if his perception of me was good or bad. Being a people pleaser and all.
After a Google search, I found www.personalitypage.com. Of the 16 personality types listed, this is mine. Fascinating. Somehow the act of reading a three page description of myself was validating. Some things about me are simply hard wired. Such as? I'm an Idealist. I'm driven to help people and make the world a better place. (sigh) I process through my feelings and make conclusions based on that rather than fact or logic. Surprised? I loved this part: "INFP's are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper."
Now for the flipside. The "personal growth" link points out the "potential problem areas". That's a creative description of one's flaws. To be fair, I'll share some of my personality's weaknesses.

• May be extremely sensitive to criticism
• May perceive criticism where none was intended
• Under stress, may obsessively brood over a problem repeatedly
• May be unable to see or understand anyone else's point of view.

OUCH! Do any of those sound accurate to you? Wait, don't answer that. That was not fun to read but very enlightening. I know where work (and a lot of prayer) is needed. Check out the website, take the test and tell me what your type is.

We're a "basic cable" kind of family. Therefore my kids get tv viewing is limited to the Discovery Channel and the major networks. On a good day, ESPN comes in with lots of fuzziness. So when we visit grandma's house, or stay in a hotel, the premium package is theirs to O.D. on--with parameters. One show they enjoy is: "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody". I've glanced at it here and there but this past weekend I decided to join in on the viewing.
Zack and Cody are twin teenage boys who are somewhat parented by a single mom. No dad in view and no mention of dad in the two episodes I watched. Mom has a few lines in the half hour but is often dismissed or ignored. Her role seems like more of an afterthought. This particular episode I watched has two teenage girls anticipating their role in a fashion show. The fashion show's director is a snooty young lady from France who not so subtly points out that one of them "has a big butt" and the other has "chicken legs". The mere mention of this sends the two girls into an emotional tailspin. The remainder of the show focuses on the larger girl exercising non stop and starving herself and the thin girl gorging on all food in sight. The fashion show begins and the "fat" girl walks on stage and promptly faints; the skinny girl hits the end of the stage and lets out a huge belch while holding back her vomit. As the two girls return down the runway, they accidentally pull back the curtain to find "Francesca" the French model and critic stuffing her bra with toilet paper.
They attempt to make light of the whole fiasco but the message has already been sent to my young viewers. While I understand the audience the Disney Channel is aiming for is tweens and teens. And I know these are issues teenage girls have battled for generations. But I thought the current mode of thought was to "empower young women and show them that what's on the inside is more important." "Encourage them to play sports and build their confidence." Wow, we've come so far.