But who's counting? It's just that time of the summer that no matter what, the bickering is becoming more frequent, the days seem longer, our house feels smaller and everyone seems to be craving structure. That's why we call it a "season". It's not supposed to last forever. Although there are some aspects of this time I would love to bottle up for eternity. Kindergarten, third and fifth grade is a "golden time". They're more and more self sufficient, still want to be with you and yet possess that innocence and naivete which proves they're still so young. I know this time is passing so quickly and I don't wish it away any longer like I did those toddler and preschool years. 13 days back then felt like a year. Now it feels like 24 hours.

Just walked in the door from 8 days in beautiful Boulder, Colorad0. (pictures to follow) Lots of down time--enough to have read 5 books. One book in particular captivated my attention and I found myself scribbling quotes from it every 10 pages or so. It is "The God I Love" by Joni Eareckson Tada. For those not familiar, she was the woman rendered quadriplegic in 1967 at the tender age of 18 as a result of a diving accident. A movie was made about her life and she has written several books over the years. This book is her memoir.
Throughout the book she's very candid about the intense struggles she went through to keep her faith in a "good God who would allow this kind of suffering". She's a wonderful storyteller with a contagious desire to know God deeper and understand the ultimate purpose of the pain in her life.
In one of the last few chapters she gives an account of a trip to the poverty ravaged parts of Africa. While there to bring donated wheelchairs on behalf of her organization, she is blown away by the unwavering faith of those who have so little. She says, "It's so different in America, I thought. In the West, we think God exists to make our lives happy, more meaningful and trouble free. 'Suffering' is a hateful word, and we do anything to eradicate it, medicate it, circumvent it or divorce it." p. 298 OUCH!!
I could not get those words out of my mind. As I pondered on this I had a convicting thought: "If I really think about it, the truth is that I spend most of my time either seeking pleasure or avoiding suffering." How about you?

Been thinking about how I have perceived loving my kids and how my kids really want or need to be loved. Last week my oldest left a sad message from camp inquring about a possible care package that may have been lost in the mail. The truth was that I had not planned on sending him one. He was only gone for 5 days and had money to spend at the camp store. Trey and I discussed the ramifications of doing nothing versus our only other option of driving the 90 minutes to the camp and leaving some goodies for him. (He was coming home the very next day). We went back and forth about how we might knowingly "wound" him if he was the only one who didn't get anything. Would this be an event he'd take into adulthood or were we making more out of it than was necessary? We opted to go out there and sneak a box in to his cabin. I still wasn't sure this was the right thing. He expressed his appreciation when he came home the following weekend but I didn't sense that the absence or presence of this "care package" was pivotal to his overall happiness and well-being.
Last night we were watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. This particular family had 8 children, an absent father and an uncle suffering from cancer. As is typical of most families on this show, their current living conditions were deplorable. A situation most of us can't even fathom. But what was amazing to me (and to the show's staff) was the incredible amount of love and respect that existed in their home. The kids were kind and respectful to one another. Their cohesiveness as a family was evident in the first five minutes of the show. They knew they had to stick together because "each other" is all they had. Even though ABC had built them a dream home, replete with a true to life football field in the backyard, one could tell that this "life changing" event wasn't going to change the core of who these people were or what they valued.
So why do I think a care package has the power to do that for my son?

The other day a friend described me as an "INFP". What? I immediately assumed this was an acrostic for something not so nice. As he further explained, this was my personality type based mostly on the Myers-Briggs test offered by many employers. I just had to know if his perception of me was good or bad. Being a people pleaser and all.
After a Google search, I found www.personalitypage.com. Of the 16 personality types listed, this is mine. Fascinating. Somehow the act of reading a three page description of myself was validating. Some things about me are simply hard wired. Such as? I'm an Idealist. I'm driven to help people and make the world a better place. (sigh) I process through my feelings and make conclusions based on that rather than fact or logic. Surprised? I loved this part: "INFP's are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper."
Now for the flipside. The "personal growth" link points out the "potential problem areas". That's a creative description of one's flaws. To be fair, I'll share some of my personality's weaknesses.

• May be extremely sensitive to criticism
• May perceive criticism where none was intended
• Under stress, may obsessively brood over a problem repeatedly
• May be unable to see or understand anyone else's point of view.

OUCH! Do any of those sound accurate to you? Wait, don't answer that. That was not fun to read but very enlightening. I know where work (and a lot of prayer) is needed. Check out the website, take the test and tell me what your type is.

We're a "basic cable" kind of family. Therefore my kids get tv viewing is limited to the Discovery Channel and the major networks. On a good day, ESPN comes in with lots of fuzziness. So when we visit grandma's house, or stay in a hotel, the premium package is theirs to O.D. on--with parameters. One show they enjoy is: "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody". I've glanced at it here and there but this past weekend I decided to join in on the viewing.
Zack and Cody are twin teenage boys who are somewhat parented by a single mom. No dad in view and no mention of dad in the two episodes I watched. Mom has a few lines in the half hour but is often dismissed or ignored. Her role seems like more of an afterthought. This particular episode I watched has two teenage girls anticipating their role in a fashion show. The fashion show's director is a snooty young lady from France who not so subtly points out that one of them "has a big butt" and the other has "chicken legs". The mere mention of this sends the two girls into an emotional tailspin. The remainder of the show focuses on the larger girl exercising non stop and starving herself and the thin girl gorging on all food in sight. The fashion show begins and the "fat" girl walks on stage and promptly faints; the skinny girl hits the end of the stage and lets out a huge belch while holding back her vomit. As the two girls return down the runway, they accidentally pull back the curtain to find "Francesca" the French model and critic stuffing her bra with toilet paper.
They attempt to make light of the whole fiasco but the message has already been sent to my young viewers. While I understand the audience the Disney Channel is aiming for is tweens and teens. And I know these are issues teenage girls have battled for generations. But I thought the current mode of thought was to "empower young women and show them that what's on the inside is more important." "Encourage them to play sports and build their confidence." Wow, we've come so far.

So here it is: The official announcement of my blog. I've been obsessing over making this perfect and finally came to the conclusion that I just needed to start writing and the rest will follow.
Why "Hope has a voice"? (I'll try to be somewhat brief but it's a long story) Three years ago I attended a retreat in the Colorado mountains. While there, they spoke about the many times in history where God's people were given a new name. On every occasion the meaning of the new name was the complete antithesis of how they had been living. Leading up to this time, I had been living a life of quiet resignation and despair. I believed the lie that life was always going to be hard for me. My family was never going to have financial stability, roots or security. Sure they'd be some good times but they'd never last.
We were asked to go spend some time in silence and ask God the question "Do you have a new name for me?" I had never asked God anything so personal. What if I didn't "hear" from him? As I walked around the corner I saw a sign that said "Hope". I knew in the depths of my soul that this was my new name. I was not "Hopeless". I was "Hope". It was confirmed several more times throughout the weekend.
The reason behind the "voice" part is that for most of my life I have been told to "shut up" in one way or another. As a grade schooler, the report card comments always included :"talks too much in class." I once was demoted at my after school job because a customer complained that I talked too much. At the risk of sounding too "Oprah-ish" I have come to a place of "finding my voice". I've always been a writer. The written word is where I'm the most comfortable and what comes naturally to me. Prior to leaving the workforce, I was working in a dreamy situation doing public relations for a non-profit. Writing articles, newsletters, press releases and periodicals. I was in my element. Three kids and 10 years later I have been strongly craving a place to write (other than my journal and the occasional letter to the editor) and share my ideas and thoughts with the hope of feedback and ensuing dialogue.
Ultimately I would love to finally receive some remuneration for my efforts. Being a "professional volunteer" has lost its lustre.
Three months ago I met a published author from Zondervan. I inquired about how she arrived at her current post. I briefly shared my background and she said "Do you have a blog? You need to start one. Write your thoughts and opinions to "the world".
So here it is. I look forward to sharing my heart and hearing from yours as well.