A week from today marks the end of winter quarter. At the onset I was full of dread. This was my first experience as a full time student attending classes on campus. Up until this point I only did one class at a time and that was more than enough. Unlike last quarter, I didn't have to juggle a job and three sports' schedules on top of it all. (Winters are pretty mild for our family as no one does an indoor sport so that's why I dove in with both feet) But I still had trepidation about the unknown.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't too thrilled with going to a community college. When my advisor told me he would "let me" take half of my endorsement requirements there I didn't see it as a favor. Even though the cost would be substantially less, to me, it was like downgrading from a Mercedes to a Honda. I took the route of high school to four-year university without giving it a second thought. In my mind, junior college was for those who lacked goals and motivation and couldn't get in to a "real college" or 25-year-olds getting a G.E.D. I assumed the instructors were people who weren't able to secure a teaching post at a university so came here as a last resort. Boy was I wrong.

Within the first week I was so impressed by my fellow classmates. The diversity was a welcome change to the elitist attitude I experienced on the university campus last summer. I sat next to a 65-year-old great grandmother who was returning to school, after a 45 year absence, in pursuit of a Fine Arts degree. Behind me was a 20-year-old homeschooler who had left a crummy college experience in the midwest and was starting over toward a degree in education. In front of me, a "displaced homemaker" whose life changed overnight when her husband walked away from their 24-year-marriage. I watched the "youngsters" show patience with the older students as they helped them navigate our online assignments. As we shared in classroom and online discussions, I was floored by the maturity, respect and brilliance in their thoughts, opinions and beliefs. I was in awe of their stories and their struggles. Not one of them lacked motivation, most were also working full time jobs in addition to their course load and no one expected anything handed to them.

My instructors have been welcoming, positive, kind, smart women who love what they're doing. They know how to foster a sense of community and impart a love for the subject at hand. They grade with realistic expectations but push their students to get out of the box. They respect and encourage. They believe in every student no matter what their background. It is so refreshing and makes me want more.

So maybe getting this degree isn't about my academic education after all. I'm getting a true education in the "classroom of life". What a welcome surprise.

Last month I posted about a struggle I was facing but left the details vague. I received a few emails asking if I was okay and what was going on with me/us. It was on purpose that I didn't expand on the specifics out of respect for my husband. It's one thing for me to divulge my own personal stuff here but to put others out there without their permission is another issue altogether. I'm sorry I caused undue concern.

That being said.......I'll just say that we experienced disappointment over Trey not receiving something we both felt was a "no brainer" and well-deserved. The "powers that be" made a decision that, to us, was completely out of left field. This was well traveled territory for us but that didn't make it any easier to accept.

I remember when something like this happened a couple years ago and a friend was in the middle of a bible study on David. She reminded me of how long David served even after he was anointed to be king. He knew he was destined for greatness but he still had to "pay his dues". Last week this email came from a different friend who is in the middle of a different study on David. It was the sweetest bit of encouragement and one that applies to anyone in the midst of despair and wondering. Whether you've been passed over for a promotion, forced to take a job that you're overqualified for, sold your house and had to go back to renting, God hasn't forgotten you. What may look like a setback is usually God's provision.

This is the excerpt from Priscilla Shirer's study "Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David."

"In the months immediately following David's anointing, God orchestrated a shocking series of events. Instead of promotion to the position of king, David submitted to serving the one already in that position. Fully aware that God's Spirit was with him to lead God's chosen people, David served in full submission as a mere armor bearer to the king. The first step after being anointed was to serve. Often servanthood and submission mark the truest test of the anointed person. David was no less anointed by God when serving than later when he sat on the throne.

David's anointing was not merely to lead the Hebrews 22 years later. That same anointing was to empower him to walk the road to his destination and fulfill each obligation along the way. God empowered him not just to rule as king but to have patience until he sat on the throne, to submit to authority, to serve, and to have faith in God's promise despite circumstances.

What was true for David is true for you. Whatever your life entails right now--no matter how far removed it seems from what you expected--He has anointed you and divinely equipped you to not merely handle it but to thrive in it. If you can't be faithful in a little, God will not give you the larger assignment. he may want to adjust your life and character in smaller assignments to prepare you for the larger ones.

"Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time--pray that our God will make you fit for what he's called you to be, pray that he'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the name of Jesus, he will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving himself freely." (2 Thess. 1:11-12 Msg)

During the 22 years of waiting, we don't find David longing to be king or looking for ways to rush God's timing. Even when his life was in danger at the hands of Saul, he did not wish the worst on his enemy. Instead, h continued to trust in God's best for his life and fully commit to whatever God asked of him. In fact, David's commitment to engage in what God brought into his life was precisely what equipped him for the next set of circumstances he would face. His willingness to submit to the roll of "delivery boy" for his brothers on the battlefield led him face-to-face with Goliath. David declared his preparedness to face the giant because he had faced lions and bears. Each circumstance David faced and overcame strengthened him to handle the next challenge. All of those years of service were not a waste after all. Each season was a necessary part of his development to be king."

In spite of how I might FEEL, I want to serve "in full submission to the armor bearer" while I wait for "the larger assignment."

To Him who is able to do more than we could ever ask or imagine........

I posted this video on Facebook yesterday with a message to all my friends who are hurting right now. So much pain out there right now. May this encourage, bring hope and shower you with peace. Press on.

This past week has dealt some blows that have threatened to spiral me into a place of self pity and resignation. Instead of taking them to God, I've chosen to remain in this pity party full of the questions: "why me/us? " "why this?" "what have I done wrong?" I have taken my eyes off the finish line and instead focused on the grueling pain of the race. In his goodness, God let me go down this path for a few days but sent gentle reminders of where it would lead if I gave in. While natural to ask, none of these questions really matter-- nor will they change anything. They just help me give in to the danger of comparison and discontent. The message below arrived in my Inbox yesterday and it was worth sharing. It's written by a young woman in her 20's who heads up a ministry to teenage girls. Her audience is middle schoolers but her words of wisdom don't transcend age.

"If this was my last day on earth what would I say to you?

I would say that God is so much better than you think He is but He doesn’t owe you anything. Not a happy marriage, cute kids, a nice home, a great career, good friends, a healthy body, food every day and a cozy place to sleep at night. Millions of people don’t have any of those and yet God is as good to them as He is to you because He loves them just as much. If you have those things you should be crazy thankful each day instead of complaining about what you don’t have. God doesn’t owe you a long life and if you get through today it’s only because He was gracious enough to give you the breath and the strength to make it. If you were born and raised here in America, all of that is hard to hear because we consider those things a given. We have expectations of God that are unbiblical and dangerous because somewhere along the way the American Dream has morphed so seamlessly with our faith that we can’t recognize the unbiblical when it’s staring us in the face and leading us into destruction.

The truth of who God is and what life is really about has gotten so buried by lies in our culture that even in the church it’s hard to tell what’s real and what isn’t. There’s a common belief here, because we are so materially blessed, that God shows His favor by showering more material blessings on those people He is proud of. There’s also a more subtle belief that we deserve good things from Him. “Deserve” is a big marketing idea in this world and we’ve been so inundated with advertisers who tell us that we deserve the nice car, hot spouse and higher education that we now believe we “deserve” only good things from a good God without the greater understanding that some of the good things He has planned for us will look like tragedies from our perspective. For some of you this life will be a short one. Maybe you get 15 years and then it’s a fight to the death against cancer. Some of you will find yourself in a horribly difficult marriage even though you did exactly what all the good Christian people told you to do. You waited and prayed for “the one” and when you finally met him at church, you dated well without giving into temptation and had the storybook wedding. And some of you will never marry even though you desperately want to be a wife and mother. In each of those situations God is good and has planned for you a life that will end in your salvation and His glory. And in each of those situations, if your expectations of God are lies, you’ll feel hopelessly betrayed by Him and walk through a serious, painful crisis of faith from which you might not recover."

This young lady is right. If my expectations of God are lies then I will feel betrayed by Him--and I have. When life doesn't go my way I get all bent out of shape over those who have what I want. Not only do I think I deserve comfort and ease, I also decide that my friends and neighbors don't appreciate it the way I would. I reason that because they "haven't walked in my shoes" they don't deserve the material blessings that should belong to me. "I've worked hard." "I would share." "I...I...I.."

This same day another message came from a daily devotional I receive from Proverbs 31 Ministries. It hit me right between the eyes. I want to decide what comes my way and how long it lasts. In a word: I want to be "God." I don't like the card I've been dealt so I'm going to grumble about it to anyone who will listen.

"In Jonah 4, Jonah wanted to stay in the shade as he climbed up the mountain to pout about the salvation God had offered the Ninevites. God caused a branch to sprout up and provide him shelter so Jonah could rest under that branch. But then God caused a worm to eat away Jonah's shelter, exposing him to the heat once again.

Jonah became angry and grumbled about his lack of shade. He—like me—wanted to be comfortable. He wasn't thinking about what was best for him or what awaited him in the future. But God was. Jonah's immediate comfort wasn't God's first priority; eternity was.

Perhaps you're in a place of extreme heat bearing down on you. You feel the heat of bad decisions and broken relationships bearing down on you and you wonder why God doesn't provide some shade.

Or maybe you're feeling some cold temps invading places that used to be warm for you. A marriage has grown cold. Your finances feel frozen. Why doesn't God provide some warmth, you might be asking? Maybe because He knows that soon you won't need that shade or that in the future that warm place is going to keep you from becoming the person He wants you to be. (Yes! Emphasis mine.)

I ran recently in the cold, avoiding the shady spots because the temperature was much cooler there. I thought back to the summer and my conversation with God. He knew this time was coming but I didn't see it then. He knew that the shade wouldn't always be the best place for me. God loves us enough to take us to different places—sometimes carrying us if necessary as our key verse says—always preparing us for what lies ahead. He will make sure we reach the place He has for us and that we are the people He wants us to be when we get there."

Regardless of how I "feel" it's these reminders that bring me back to earth and knock some sense into my stubborn spirit. May they encourage you as well.

Keeping my eye on the prize,

One year ago today I sat with my journal and poured my heart out. 2009 was a year I longed to forget and the words I penned are testament to how strongly I felt. As I re-read the page, I thought "what a downer!!" I was almost embarrassed to admit those sentiments were a reflection of what was in my soul. Needless to say I was in a bad place.


"12-31-09~Sitting here before the clock strikes midnight and we begin a new year and end a decade. Holding out hope that this new one will not resemble the last. Wishing for a respite from the constant slugging away day after day to see no progress. Hoping for the end of month after month of broken dreams and sad hearts. Begging God for a new lease on life where the good times will last longer than the bad ones. Dying for a breakthrough where God puts an end to old, destructive thought patterns and breathes new life into this heart that can't take another morsel of sadness or bad news or disappointment."


I definitely don't feel as hopeless as last year and God did come through in many of the ways I asked. But it's always good to reflect on where we've been but more important to focus on where we're going. A couple days ago, my daily email from Internet Cafe Devotions was all about this very subject. As I scrolled through the message, I loved the questions she posed at the end. A perfect combination of considering the past while focusing on the future. Two nights ago I had a belated Christmas celebration with my BFF's where we went around the room and answered these questions. I won't share theirs but I'm happy to divulge mine. Maybe you'd like to do the same?


1. What was the one thing that brought you joy this year?


Watching Ian come into his own. The last half of the year he blossomed in every area of his life-socially, academically and athletically. It was heart warming to see.


2. What was the biggest challenge you faced? What were the results? Is there something you could have done differently?


Juggling school, work and home. The results were straight A's, money to pay tuition and a very messy house. I could have asked for more help from others and not felt guilty about it.



3. What were you most afraid of?


Hearing "Honey, I've been let go". I think I'm always afraid of this. Something I continually lay down over and over, year after year.





4. What was the greatest lesson the Lord taught you?


That I need to worry about what he has called me to, use my gifts the way he is asking and not concern myself with other's opinions or how I think they should be using their gifts. When something is glaringly obvious to me, it's hard when others don't have the same enthusiasm as I do. Offering grace and accepting that we are each on our own journey at our own pace is a good lesson for me to take to heart.






5. Is the Lord asking you to leave some things behind as the year ends?


Yes. Many things but the biggest one is the belief that I am not deserving of spending time and money on. The martyr role I have taken on since becoming a mother makes it hard for me to justify fussing over myself without feeling selfish. I always talk myself out of most every personal purchase because there are always so many more pressing needs in our family: tires for the car, new cleats, dentist visits, etc. I want to leave behind the guilt I carry when I do indulge from time to time.




6. Are there any changes you feel the Lord is asking you to make in the new year?


Definitely to slow down. Since 2005, I've been asking for a theme from God for each coming year. Last year it was patience and this year it is slowing down and enjoying the process-no matter what that process is. I tend to want to check things off my list and move on to the next thing. I live life in a hurry because there's always a deadline looming. I know God is asking me to take the time to do things right, even if it takes a little longer.

Finally, I wish I could take credit for this awesome quote but it was at the end of these questions and I absolutely loved it........

"As we move into the unknown wonders of 2011, may His abiding love fill you, His purposes compel you and His indescribable peace surround you."

Last Friday marked my the final day of Fall quarter 2010. Although I was only taking one 5 credit class online (American Literature-yawn.) it felt like a full load. If it was just me as a 19 year old college student there would have been no excuses or whining. But add a 15 hour-a-week job and a very active family and now you know why I've only been on here a handful of visits.

But.........I reluctantly peeked at the online learning board for one last time before I closed up shop and I couldn't believe my eyes. The grade for my final paper: 100%!!! I about fell out of my chair. Yes, I worked very hard and stressed out and yelled and screamed at every member of my family and cried about what a mistake I made trying to fit it all in but I certainly wasn't expecting that as a result. Wow. In my entire college career this has NEVER happened to me. I've had some low to mid 90 scores here and there but 100? Like I said: never.

As much as I'd like to give myself credit I do have to say that this time around I find the instructors go a little easier on their students. I know I'm much more focused than 20 years ago but I still don't think I'm doing that caliber of work. In the late 80's most of my professors were born in the 30's and 40's and their style reflected their hard core work ethic. Not that anything is wrong with high expectations but their demands were a little unrealistic. Most of my peers agree that no matter whether you were taking a 5 credit or 3 credit class, they wanted you to treat it as if it was your only one. As I noticed this summer, today's educators are a little more reasonable and realistic. They accept the fact that you have a lot more on your plate than just their class and make amends to the syllabus to reflect that. It could also be that I went summer quarter--which is always more laid back-- and now I'm at a community college where 90% of the students are commuters and part or full-time workers.

Whatever the reason is, I'll take the "A".